Introduction

When we first get a dog we think about companionable walks with our dog trotting along by our side, sofa cuddles and how much healthier and happier we’ll be with our dog by our sides. The reality for most owners is that the needs of our dogs take us by surprise. I think it’s often their emotional needs which are the most unexpected. For dog’s with difficult behaviour, their needs can sometimes overwhelm our own.

How your dog’s behaviour can make you feel

Behaviour problems are the main reason in over 58% of cases of dog relinquished to shelters.

Pet owner satisfaction is also, perhaps unsurprisingly, negatively correlated with dog behaviour problems.  

Surprisingly though, issues like pulling on the lead, failure to recall and jumping up fall into this group of ‘behaviour problems’ and can cause owners to have strongly mixed feelings about their dog.  To me these seem more like training deficits but in an adult dog can clearly cause problems for their owners. Basic skills training is therefore a really important factor in your own enjoyment of your dog, with owners of more disobedient dogs reporting much higher levels of stress. 

Our dog’s behaviour can leave us with a range of unexpected feelings from sadness, anger at your pet or the situation, frustration at your inability to change things as well as resentment and disappointment.   For some dogs the fear, worry and tension because of their behaviour is only matched by feelings of embarrassment and feelings of failure when out in public.   For me personally, I got caught out on this mornings walk by the feeling of self-disgust, because really why would I (with all my skills and experience) feel annoyed with my own dogs. Annie can still be quite nervous and this morning decided she was too scared to eat treats from me, it very rarely happens anymore, but this morning it did and I surprised myself by feeling annoyed and I guess, rejected. Only briefly, before I felt self-disgust that I was annoyed and invalidated by my own anxious dog!

Another surprising finding is that many owners not only feel GUILT that they feel responsible for their  dog’s problem but they can often find this guilt can be reinforced by their vet, trainer, friends or even strangers.

And these are just the direct effects of your dog’s behaviour, but indirectly you’ll probably find that you put in extra time and money into trying to help them and experience more vigilance required to keep not only your dog but others safe as well as social isolation and/or conflict with other people because your dog finds the world a really tough place to be.

What can you do?

It’s not all bad, though, sometimes behaviour problems give you purpose and learning and personal growth. This means you need to actively engage with the issues you are experiencing rather than just accepting that “this is how it is”. If you feel like you have ongoing support with your dog this can really help as you won’t feel like you are so alone.  There are some social media group dedicated to anxious and reactive dogs which can be really supportive and there are some counsellors and therapists who have themselves been through life with dog behaviour problems and may be really helpful for you. 

For me I find just noticing and accepting the difficult feelings that come up is the first step. You can end up feeling closer to your dog because of the extra effort that you put in too, especially if you are able to, at least partly, resolve some of their behaviour problems.

For any of you who can sometimes struggle with you dog, please know that you are not alone. If your dog’s inability to walk with a loose lead or come when called is significantly impacting on your quality of life then some 121 training, practical training walks or workshops could help turn this around. Skills training isn’t just for puppies and dog’s of all ages can learn or re-learn these skills.

If your dog is suffering from separation anxiety so that you cannot leave the house or is so reactive walks are proving really stressful then a behaviour management plan can help you to structure your approach to not only helping them, but helping you to reclaim some of your life too. And remember that there are some dog walkers and pet sitters who specialise in anxious or reactive dogs who may be able to help give you some much needed respite care.