Is it normal to feel some regret after bringing your new dog home?
It may well be that she’s absurdly adorable, but she’s also somehow ruining your life. Was this whole thing a mistake? Will you ever sleep again? Can you take him/her back? Why do you feel so down about this?!
“I didn’t even want to get a dog, my ex-husband pressured me into it”
“The thing that I struggled with most was the gap between expectation and reality, especially considering that I had been wanting to get a puppy for years”

‘Puppy blues’ is a term used to describe the negative experiences and feelings that some people experience after bringing home a puppy or re-homing a dog. After the immediate euphoria of the fluffy bundle of joy and fun wears off, many puppy owners (and particularly first-time dog owners) are left feeling overwhelmed and without support.
“I have found having Annie the working border collie puppy really punishing at times. I picked her up at nearly 14 weeks old knowing that she’d had almost no human contact AND that her critical early socialisation window would be closing at 16 weeks. I took the time and did all the work. As a trainer with superbly trained dogs, I found it devastating that she would lunge and thrash around on the lead at a wide range of triggers. She has also gone through a lonnngggg phase of destroying bedding and soft furnishings which it is so hard not to take personally as I want my dogs to each have a lovely bed with soft blankets in.”
Emma
What can you do?
The first thing is to remember is that this is experience is finite. It WILL get easier. You may have dig deep and carry on for a while, but most pups get easier at 6 months, and easier still at 12 months and etc. They will all hit their ‘milestones’ at slightly different times (Brandon my 13 year old lab last pood in the house at 12 months old!) but they will get easier. You will also start to feel more connected with them and this is what starts to make it all an absolute pleasure. I take time to bond with my dogs, longer than most I think, and it seems to take me about 12 months to start to feel that deep connection with my dogs. That bond deepens over the life of the dog so much so that it all becomes a pleasure, but the first year is full of hard work and adolescence and hormones, and chewing and biting and mess sometimes without that deeply rewarding connection.
The second thing to remember is that you are not alone, even if you feel it! Puppy blues are actually really common, but just not talked about that openly. Coping with a new puppy or rehoming a dog is a HUGE amount of work AND you never know exactly what issues you will or won’t get. This means that the experience is often different from what you imagined. You’ll benefit hugely from some support, join facebook groups, talk to neighbours with dogs and start puppy training as early as you can will all help get you in touch with experienced dog owners, trainers and also other new puppy owners. Many trainers and behaviourists will now offer home visits so that you can get the support you need before you can enrol in puppy classes too!
Top Tips
- Educate yourself on what to expect, enrol in some online training, book a home visit with a behaviourist to guide you through these first few difficult months. Finding someone you trust to guide you is important as well as limiting your exposure to too much information from the internet/other peoples opinions which can all be overwhelming.
- Prioritise positive crate training. Having a puppy who loves being in their crate will start to make things feel a lot easier. Sleeping patterns emerge over the first few weeks and these are easier to establish and a positive crate relationship will help prevent your dog or puppy from chewing on furniture and messing on the carpet.
- Set yourself up with a regular daily routine based on enrichment activities for your puppy like scatterfeeding, lick mats, kongs or treat balls. These are all activities that your puppy can engage in alone and will help buy you some headspace.
- Build that bond with your dog by spending some one-to-one time every day with your dog. Hand feeding and handling them daily releases endorphins and helps build that bond for you as well as for them. Anyone who has lost a pet will know that the grief you feel is surprisingly overwhelming because of the depth of that bond, so give it time everyday.
- Advocate for yourself and your new dog. If something feels wrong to you then trust that feeling. If your first trip to puppy day care or the groomers felt all wrong, then trust that feeling and stand up for your dog.
- Make time for yourself. Go for walks or have date night, get some counselling or book a massage. It’s important that you make time to meet your own needs and then you’ll have more resources for your puppy in the longer term.
- Celebrate all the small wins. Every dog settles into their new home at their own pace but celebrating the first night they sleep through, the first walk they don’t pull, the first poo in the garden or the first time they walk past another dog without yelling will all help!
- Build a support network. These first few months are hard and having access to expert advice as well as a peer group of other like-minded puppy or dog guardians will help. I’d also recommend keeping in close contact with the breeder, rescue centre or previous owners for the first 6 months. They may be able to give you perspectives on what they’ve seen of your dog or their parents or siblings. There are some brilliant dog walkers and day care providers who may also be able to give you some respite care. My lifeline with Annie has been my agility trainer who has had several working border collies over many years. She has been able to point out all the wonderful traits which I’ve found hard to see as well as behaviours which are genuinely a bit unusual even for a working border collie.
- Know your options if you genuinely feel like this may not work out. Ethical breeders will always offer to take the puppy back and good rescue centres will do the same. Knowing you have this option can help take the pressure off you and give you perspective. You always have choice.